MY CONFESSION

(Although it may sound like senti stuff again, and many may find this crap, stil I'm not gonna call it "senti-crap"...Not just because the term is a trademark of someone much more important and revered but also because it is important to me that I say what I have)

It's been three days since I read the post preceding this, and have been wondering ever since what to comment, or react. Because simply said I'm touched, moved and ashamed of myself.When I first read the post, I was pretty surprised to find my name appear in the second paragraph. Not just because I have been referred to as "Taru" instead of "kiddo"(which I'm more used to by now) but also because it was Kanu's post(blame my bad habit of checking out the post's author before reading it up)...

And even more surprising has been the post itself, NOT because of its content, but because of the fact it's there. Yeah,I'm not surprised with the "confession" part, and the reason for the same is the bigger confession I'm about to make. You know Kanu, even before I first posted in TLTE, I'd read up the posts a no. of times(as I guess I've said in a previous post), but was never sure whether I should post ever.I'd always seen her and Ted all over on the India community, and somehow was really really in awe of them both. Slowly, Ted has outgrown that initial awe, but as far as she are concerned I always was ( I am) amazed by her.

So much that conciously or subconciously,I've always tried to become like her I guess. In everything. It always bewilders me how can someone be so nice, so loving and so loved. The warmth that I've seen her share with people like QT, Ted, Saras, Raja, Ritz etc. It always makes me wonder how it would be to be showered with her niceness...and I thought I'd never be able to know. Not because she wasn't nice to me during the brief interactions when we met, but because I just felt I don't deserve it. I wanted to be like her, when she wasn't there. Something like her deputy, though nobody can ever replace her. But somehow, when she was there, I felt aloof. Maybe the "vibe" thing. Maybe just the fact that I thought it's not my "duty-time" curently.

So many times I've refrained from posting, or simply left when Kanu was there at TLTE. and then, read up all her posts later.so it's not surprising we both havent met too much at TLTE, inspite of being regulars. No ill feelings anywhere, just that I never felt I was required when she was there, esp. by her. That's why I was a little surprised at the mention that Kanu and Ted have ever discussed me.
When I think back, I realize I've been so foolish. And how bad I must have made her feel. She had refused to be mentor, but somehow I've always looked upon her as a guide.That's why when she left, I was stirred. Personally I felt orphaned. And there was the mass outrage that had been spurred and some of the reactions surprised me. The way everyone was so desperate and guilty, the way they wanted her back, the way evryone left immediately, i just shook me.

When I read her mail, i could almost feel pain emitting from my computer screen. That's when I decided I'd write to her. I was almost convinced it wasn't gonna make a difference to her, but I still had to tr, and I did. She replied, and I was so touched. Still I couldn' return atleast till everyone else who'd left did. Somehow I felt guilty and responsible, and though i still can't explain why, I felt really ashamed then(even though I wasnt involved).
I really am a dumb kid, and especially when it comes to her, I act only foolish and stupid. I still dunno why. all i know is that I've been really stupid all the while, and it's natural for hr to think what she did. It's only proof of her niceness to be so friendly to still, and write this post now. So Kanu, don't call me sweet. It's an adjective that only befits someone like you, not me. There's only one Kanu, and will always be. A thousand kiddos dont come near her.

I'm SORRY!

Ted

Without adding to the "senti crap" content of this blog, I'm simply putting up this poem. It's something that expresses my gratitude towards all you lovely people I've found here at tlte, but more specifically I've dedicated it to TED...
because he's always been so sweet and so helpful towards all of us(I'm sure we all agree on this), it's very touching..
not to say that anybody else is any less...i hope no one minds, but just that he's the one I've had maximum interaction with, and he's the one i've bugged the most. So he was the first one who came to my mind...
But i'll sure come up with one each for all of you, very soon...of course, provided u're willing to jhelofy my crap ;)

THANK YOU
There have been times when I’ve yelled at you for nothing
Still what I heard was a voice patient and soothing.

Times when I’ve been too demanding…or commanding like a master
Still u motivated me to try harder and faster!

And times still, when like a fool I did something stupid or silly
& Then turned to you to guide me through, to make amends for my folly.

There’ve been times and times, when I’ve cried for support
And you have lent it to me, selflessly, without too much effort.

I don’t know why you do this…and do this all the time
Each time I get worried, you make my life sublime!

You give me the hope to live, and the courage to fight
You remind me of the mornings, so that I live through the night

U touch my soul with your kindness, you make me feel U are there…
And each time you do all this, it just goes to show “You care!”

I keep on making mistakes, asking you for help
And you never refuse me, or shout, ignore, or yell!

You’ve always been a friend who’s held my hand in rough
& How much ever I try, I can never do enough…

No I cannot dream of being able to return the favour
I guess your friendship is something I can at best worship and savour

All I can do perhaps, is to pray God to give all my happiness to you
And on my part, I’ve just 2 words to say-THANK YOU!!!

Revive!

Here's a suggestion to revive the old golden days (or golden old days, whatever!). Considering that this could lead to a discussion, I am posting it here.

The problem with organising TLTE meets (on orkut) is that:

1. not all the people are free at the same time, so synchronisation is a big issue.
2. orkut is buggy, its fast sometimes and hands out 'no donuts' alot of times.
3. India-US times dont match.

Following the observation that many of us are also friends on Yahoo Messenger, why not change your messenger status to something like "@ TLTE" whenever you find that orkut is fast enough and you have time to spend on TLTE. This way, whoever wants to join you in TLTE that time can do so. If you wish, you can also mention who all are present at TLTE that time. Something like.. "@TLTE-ritesh,tirth,kiddo" :D

What say? Give it a try...... come on!!!

Social Networks

Also posted on my blog

I have an obsession of joining Social Networking sites. Started with Orkut. Then joined hi5, Gazzag, Multiply, Yahoo 360 degrees and myWallop. So been there and seen it all. Time for a comparison.

To tell you the truth, none of them is perfect enough to make me ditch the others. Orkut has its own charm. It was the first one in the list and thus has memories/sentiments associated with it. It also gave me a bunch of good online friends, the whole TLTE and a few others. I learned alot from the discussions in various communities. Have grown alot in these few months. I have always been the shy-guy kinds, and although it hasnt changed my nature totally, there have been definite positive discernable changes. All these and many other are the reasons why I came back to the Orkut even though I probably shouldn't have.

But damn Google people take years to get a service out of Beta! Why are they so slow? The countless Server Errors, 502s, and No donuts piss me alot. So I tried the other sites (well also out of curiousity). The ones need mention are Yahoo 360 degrees and Microsoft Research's mywallop.

The reasons Yahoo 360 rocks is because it integrates various Yahoo services that I already use like - yahoo groups, yahoo messenger, yahoo photos etc. They also plan to let me publish my blog on my 360 webpage. The reason its not THE ONE is because they still havent integrated Flickr, yahoo calender and yahoo groups' discussions are not threaded (like in orkut) due to which its a big pain going through a long discussion.

The reasons why mywallop is attractive is because it lets you share mp3s :)! So upload the latest of what you like and everyone in your network can listen to it. The other good thing about wallop is its interface. Its very easy to use and pretty slick. Why its not THE ONE? The functionalities are limited and again, there are no Communities or Scraps like Orkut has.

One more reason reason why Orkut scores over both these service is because the design is such that its easier to meet and encounter strangers. So its more likely to find people sharing similar interests and making friends with them on Orkut than on any other site. You interact with them in public (on communities), then after a while get used to their thinking and nature, after which its easy to pick friends.

But what good is of having so much functionality but not implementing them well? As good as not having them will be an overstatement, but that still kills half the charm.

So I have come up with a hack. As long as Orkut doesnt rectify its countless bugs, as long as Yahoo 360 people and mywallop people dont integrate more functionalities, I am gonna enjoy the best of all three. Will keep myself alive on all three, using only the functionalities that differentiate them and keep them in my goodbooks.

And I urge you to do the same ;)

Until ofcourse someone sees the light and gives us users a better alternative.

Amen!